The Next Best Thing

Posted: January 28, 2012 in Random
I was browsing my Tumblr dash when this captured my eye:
I’m a believer every time I fall in love. A believer that once I enter a relationship, I think of it as forever. Hopeless romantic and a sucker for happy endings, I know. But that’s who I am. I put my 100% trust to the man I love. I never even think about getting hurt. Always like that. But in my past relationships, I always end up the opposite. The story of my life goes like, I fall, get fooled, get hurt, forgive, then back to the start. It’s like my next love story is a repeat of a history. Always end up hurting.
When my 2nd ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost the same like the 1st, I honestly got traumatized. Then I asked myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why does my story always have the same problems and endings?” And then I lost my faith and blame myself. Yes, maybe something’s wrong with me. I knew by that time I was afraid to fall again.
I guarded my heart. I told myself that I won’t fall for someone again just yet. I didn’t entertain because I think something’s wrong with me and that I should fix myself first.
Then there’s this guy who suddenly came by the time that I feel wasn’t right. I can say he’s a lot different from the others – from my pasts. He was every woman would want to have since he’s mabuti. He fell for me. But  I knew wasn’t ready yet. So as my defense mechanism, I pushed him away because I didn’t want him to wait for me when I’m not sure if he has a chance. I didn’t want to do that to him but I’m scared of getting hurt again. Little did I know, I already hurt him in what I did.
I felt guilty for what I did. He has been to good to me but all I did was hurt him. I knew I was selfish. But who could blame me? I’m on my lowest point in life, lost my faith in everything I believed in, traumatized, depressed, broken and self-pity. Could I love someone if I knew I was still broken? Could I still believe in love if I lost my faith in it? And that time I asked God why. Why did he let him come to my life in the time that I feel wasn’t right? What was His purpose? I got so many questions. What-ifs. Whys. I thought of it, and still got no answer. I didn’t know why I missed him by the time that he wasn’t around. I felt bad and I don’t know why. But I wanted that. I wanted him to leave. Or really did I?
But then I realized, what if I try again? What if I believe again like I did before? What if he’s not that someone I assumed he will be? What if he’s the one?
From that then, I decided to take the risk, a leap of faith. I didn’t thought of getting hurt. Or if I did get hurt, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I give love a chance, and hope that maybe he is the one. And I wasn’t wrong. To tell you the truth, I’ve never been happier. Yes, I may have gotten hurt and cried at times, argue at things, having trust issues, but that’s normal. That hurt wasn’t because of him doing something to hurt me. It was because of others. I’m glad to say that we’re nearing a year now and we never had huge fights, or tampuhan that lasted for hours. He never wanted me to feel bad. He always assure me that I will never feel what I have felt before. And for the record, he really is true to his words. Just like any of his pasts said, Yes, I am one hell-a lucky girl. 
As a response to that, I guess I found what they say, the next best thing
To sum it up, like the quote said, “It’s impossible to find someone who will never make you cry.” Indeed, there are no smooth relationships. You can never spare yourself from getting hurt. That’s the reality. Love always comes with hurt and you can’t do anything about it. All you can do is to make the best out of it. Find that someone whom you’re willing to feel that feelings again without having fears or regrets in the end. Someone who’ll take risks with you and fight with you till the end. But it will only happen if you do it without having second thoughts. Don’t think about that pain you’ll feel after you take a leap of faith. You’ll never realize the good thing on the other side once take it. Bring back the courage. You’ll never know, you could be the happiest you never thought you’d be. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that someone who’s worth all the pain. By that moment you do, never let him go. 🙂



I love you, Babe and I will never let you go. :*

(c) lielockheart.tumblr.com
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