Archive for October, 2013


I never thought I will feel offended, rant and cry over some sick stupid joke by some insensitive people today.

But before I continue, I just want to say that what I’m about to write doesn’t totally define who I really am. This is just a result of being in a roller coaster of emotions, feeling of the offended and yeah, PMS-ing. WANT TO RANT, because I wanna feel better. BIAS to.So, NO JUDGING.

I don’t want to tell you the details of what happened just before I leave the office. But I tell you, what happened earlier was over the limit. BUT, If you are one of those who already know the exact story, you may take my side because you really believe that it was really offensive or you many not and think that I was just being too emotional, immature or whatever.

Let me get this straight. You see, you always put a competition to the story even if the characters don’t want to. Who wanted this kind of set up? Did I choose this? Did I decide for everyone to be like this? NO. Because even before we knew, it was already the plan! Kung bitter ka sa pupuntahan mo, wag mo kong idamay! To the point na ipapahiya mo ko sa harap pa ng taong kabolahan mo! You may say like it was just a joke, but the way you said it in front of us, I knew you meant something.

I get it already, okay? Even before this thing happened. Pero hindi mo na kailangan ipamukha sakin na ikaw yung gusto, na ikaw yung paborito! It wasn’t a big deal onĀ  the way she appreciates you, pero was that joke necessary? Hindi naman ako nakikisawsaw eh. What do you want? what do you need to hear pa? What do you want me to feel? Na they will regret the fact that they will lose you over me? Na importante ka at kahit anong gawin ko, I will never replace you in their lives. WELL, FINE! Oo na! Ikaw na! Walang umaagaw sa kanya!

PRESSURE. Hindi pa nga nangyayari at wala pa akong napapatunayan o nagagawa pero parang talo na kagad na ko. Like There was no place for me.

Kung pwede lang kumontra sa lahat ng decisions na nangyayari, matagal ko nang ginawa. But like I said, that was the plan.

STRIKE 2 ka na sa pagka-insensitive mo eh.

I’m fucking tired of this feeling of competition. All my life I have always been trying to prove myself to everyone. Bata pa lang and until now, I am still doing the same. That I need to be best in school because I was with the best students. That I need to join the council just to get noticed.That I can finish college clean even if I’m was in a relationship when everyone predicts you cannot. That I can do household chores when I really can do but other say I can’t do or don’t know how.

I am easily discouraged.
I’m trying. But when I fail, I stop.
That’s who I am.

No one believes in me.
Because for them, what I did was not enough.
So para sakin, what’s the point of trying again?
Eh yung napatunayan mo na na, pero wala paring tiwala sayo.
Suicidal alng diba?

Tao lang ako, hindi ako perpekto.

Nakakapagod din.

Oo, iisang anak nga ako. Pero yung pakiramdam ko parang may isang dosena akong kapatid na kailangan laging maging bestpara lang mapansin at maging paborito ng magulang.

Tapos eto, you always put a competition to everything. I NEVER WANT TO COMPETE. But it seems like you always bring it to the table.

Why can’t I just be accepted for who I am? For what I can only do? For what I’m not good at?

I just want piece. I just want to work without unhealthy pressure inside my head.
Yun lang naman eh.

Pero that’s life. Bukod sa life is unfair eh, you can’t please everybody.

Tinatamad na ko. Kasi medyo nalabas ko na kanina. Pero siguro kung kanina ko nasulat mo, baka medyo mas maintindihan nyo.