Day 2 of Grief…

Posted: February 6, 2016 in Uncategorized

My dearest Kurti, 

Good morning. I thought I won’t be able to sleep, but I did. I was waiting for you in my dreams but you didn’t show up. Did you know daddy was sad because he wasn’t able to touch and play with you? He was envious of someone from the mall carrying a little pup who looks like you. I knew from there he wants to carry you in his arms. Mommy misses you, anak, so much like your daddy does. We were talking about you all day. Daddy (and some of your titos, titas, godparents and grandparents) said that I should smile now because you’re in a happy place, that you’re now with your lolo and lola.  I want to be happy for you anak cos you’ve finally rested and won’t be feeling any pain anymore, but I couldn’t help feeling sad that you already left mommy. Would you hate me if I’m being selfish that I still pray you’re with me now? 

I can’t help but blame myself for not doing everything I could for you. Everyday, there is what could have been, but I know I can’t bring the past anymore. Hope you can forgive mommy.

Tito said there may be some reasons why you left, maybe you’re protecting me from something so that leaving won’t push through. For whatever it is anak, thank you. I may have not understood yet all, but thank you for loving mommy that much. 

I miss you, my little munchkin. I can still see you from everywhere. It was the first morning I expect you to come jump and kiss me, but there’s none. 

I love you with all of hearts. Daddy said you may be gone, but you are not forgotten. You will always be my jolly, sweet, vain, spoiled but not bratt baby boy and my bundle of joy. No one can replace you in mommy’s heart. 🐶

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